As they got older it turned into throw up. And, I had to learn real quick how to deal with it. As a parent, you have to learn how to deal with other people’s throw up. It’s a part of parenting that people don’t generally like to talk about, but it’s definitely a part of being a parent. 

Have you ever had your child verbally throw up on you? Hmm…I bet that’s happened to you even more often. I’ll bet it has. Have you ever had a spouse verbally throw up on you? Have you ever had any other person in your life verbally throw up all their garbage on you? 

So, in our family, we have a system when someone gets sick and throws up. First I freak out a little bit, and then I breathe so I don’t throw up too, because it kind of gets my gag reflex going. Then I go get a bowl. I bring it to them and I put my arm around them, and the bowl is there. It’s ready. If it happens again we’re ready. And then I just sit with them for a while and kind of hold the bowl and let it happen. And when it happens I take the bowl and I go get rid of what’s in the bowl and then I bring the bowl back clean. 

What is the process when my kids verbally throw up on me? It’s very similar. At least it starts out similar. I freak out a little bit. Like, “What?!?! Why are you throwing up on me verbally?” And then I try to not verbally throw up on them. It kind of gets the gag reflex going again, right? When someone starts verbally throwing up on you, you kind of get triggered too. And so I try not to do that. And then that’s when the similarity would end. I didn’t ever go get a bowl for them, and I never sat with them. I just kind of like just let them keep throwing up on me and just, just stood there like a giant throw-up bowl. Because that’s what I thought parenting was. I thought I was being a good parent by just letting them take it all out on me. And I’m like “It’s fine. I’ll take it. I know you’re sick. I know you’re not feeling good, so I’ll just take all your throw up and I’ll just let it be on me.” 

Well, that didn’t last long, as you can imagine. So we had to come up with a better process. I didn’t want to be the throw-up bowl. I didn’t want it all over me and to have it weighing me down. It totally brought me down. When you let people throw up on you and it just stays there, it’s not good. It’s bad! And it weighs you down! And they don’t even feel better because they feel bad that they got it all over you! And it didn’t really get thrown away, it just got thrown up. 

So the process that we’ve learned in our family is when someone feels sick emotionally, they throw up verbally. That happens, right? It happens. So we’ve learned how to redirect their verbal vomit. We learned a process that works for us and I’m going to teach it to you. 

When someone starts getting upset and they start getting that gag reflex going and they start spewing their words at other people, we freak out a little bit because we’re human, and we haven’t gotten over that trigger. We try to hold back our own gag reflex, so we don’t start verbally throwing up on them in return. And then…we go get a bowl. This bowl is the Atonement. This bowl is Jesus Christ. He already took all of our problems, all of our verbal vomit, and He has taken care of it. He has already cleaned up the mess for us. We just need to give it to him. 

We can try to be the bowl as the parent, or in any relationship. We can try to be the bowl, and we can keep it, and He will let us because we get to choose. Or we can go get the bowl and we can redirect the throw up to Him, because He is  like the ultimate janitor. And I say that in the most humble and respectful attitude! Because He has gone below all things so I can be clean, and so you can be clean, and so those we love and those we’re in relationships with can be clean. 

That’s our process. That’s what we do as a family when someone’s not feeling good and they need to express the hurt and the anger and the frustration and the disappointment and everything that’s been weighing on them, and piling on them and just making them sick to their stomach. And they need to get it out. They need to get it out. So we freak out, we try not to throw up on them, and then we go get the bowl. 

I imagine in my mind that the kids are just getting it out, and then I take the bowl and I hold it for them, and I let them express, and I let them share, and I let them get it out. And I encourage it because I know they’ll feel better once they’re done releasing. I know they will. And then I take the bowl and I give it to the Savior. My job is to sit with them. My job is not to be the bowl. I’m not strong enough and it’s not my job. 

When your kids throw up, you don’t get mad at them. You don’t get angry. You don’t blame them for being sick, and you definitely try to not throw up yourself. 

That’s how we process in our family. This has been such a gross thing to share and I’m kind of super embarrassed, but I think it’s important. I think sometimes we don’t talk about important things and we don’t talk about processes that we’ve learned. But this has been a huge process for us and I think maybe if you visualize it the way that I’ve started seeing it, that you’ll be able to have more compassion and you’ll be able to sit with people when they’re throwing up. We have a lot more patience for someone who’s physically sick than we do for people who are emotionally sick. There are a lot of emotionally sick people. I think almost everybody gets emotionally sick way more often than they get physically sick. And we need to know how to help them. And this is one way to do it. 

You’re a helper. You’re loving. You care for people. And if you use this process in your daily life and you help people in this way, your life’s going to get better. It will.

So there’s my throw up story. It’s so gross. So gross. But very beneficial. It needed to be said and it needed to be learned. I learned it and I’m sharing it with you, so that you don’t have to learn it the hard way like I did.