One of the definitions of the word temper is “To improve the hardness and elasticity of steel or other metal, by reheating and then cooling it the way a smith would, to a sword.” So when a sword is tempered by reheating and cooling, it becomes stronger and more flexible. When we lose our temper it’s usually by being reheated, right? And then when we gather our temper, and temper ourselves, we’re cooled. We might say we cool off, right? 

Instead of losing your cool, what if you could harness the energy of losing your temper, and instead of reacting to the situation, what if you acted to control your temper? What if you could use that opportunity of losing your cool and use it to help you become stronger and more flexible? 

Control Your Temper

The approach to control your temper that I am going to share today involves harnessing the power of music. That’s how I’ve overcome and moved through and harnessed my temper, and used that opportunity of being reheated and cooled to benefit me and help me become stronger and more flexible. Do you want to learn how? Well, I’ll tell you. 

It’s as easy as Ready, Set, Go! First, you get ready. You get “ready” by allowing yourself to feel and process the emotions, get “set” by setting a timer, and “go” by moving through the feelings. That’s a quick summary of the process. Now let me walk you through this exercise and help you understand how it looks. 

Find Three Songs

Start by finding three songs. The first one is an angry song. I know you know of one. I’m sure you have one of those songs that you can just listen to that gets you riled up, makes you feel angry. Maybe look back to your teenage years, if you’ve forgotten. 

Next, you find a sad song. Something that is just so sad, has a sad story, or a sad feeling about it. Again, I’m sure you know one, and if you’ve forgotten, think back to your teenage years. Go back to that decade and search it up. You’ll find a sad song.

Finally, you find a motivational song. A fight song. Something that gets you out of your chair and into action, not with anger, but with motivation. Something that could get you moving. 

Work Through the Emotions and Move On

With these three songs, that’s all you need, and then you will move through those emotions. Turn on the angry music and allow yourself to feel the anger. Feel it good. Just feel angry. Justify it, validate it, and acknowledge it. You’re angry and you have a reason to be angry. Allow it to pass through you, instead of stuffing it down and letting it fester. 

Then you move on to the next song. Behind your anger is sadness, an unmet expectation, regret, and sorrow. There’s some sadness in there behind the anger. So, once you move through that anger song you move on to the sad song and you allow yourself to feel sad, because it’s sad. You had this expectation that wasn’t met or you’ve been injured. It’s sad. Acknowledge it, feel it, and allow yourself to take the time to feel it. 

Then with the next song you move on, you find your fight, you find your motivation, you find your power. Step into your power and move on. How would that feel, if the next time you were triggered, instead of seeing red or losing your temper, or losing your cool, or blowing your lid, what if you had a backup plan, a Ready, Set, Go plan? 

Summarizing the Process of Controlling Your Temper

Get yourself “ready” to allow yourself to move through the emotions. “Set” a time limit, three songs max. You can listen to three angry, three sad, and three powerful if you have the time. Set a time limit and then let yourself let go, and move through those emotions, and let go of them. Instead of reacting, act, to control your temper. Then you “go” forward with your life, feeling relieved of the anger and sadness. 

Things to Avoid

So, now here’s what not to do. I told you what to do already. You get ready by preparing yourself mentally to allow the emotions. You get set by giving them a time limit, and you go by moving through the emotions. Now, this is what you don’t do. 

Don’t sit with the emotion and don’t stuff it. It’s not good to get triggered and then just shove it in and just hold it, because you will blow your lid at some point over something different. You don’t want to stay angry too long or sad too long, so don’t listen to 15,000 angry songs, okay? Set a limit.

Don’t end on a negative note. You don’t want to start the process sitting in your car, listening to angry music, and then decide you’re going to go into the grocery store after listening to a bunch of angry music and feeling angry, because then everybody in the grocery store is going to feel your bad vibes. They don’t deserve that. They’ve got their own problems that they’re not managing, so they don’t need your anger. End with something powerful and motivating. 

This Will Work For You

I have done this and it helps so much. Having been triggered before, I know it doesn’t feel good. You find yourself freaking out over things. We all do it. Everyone does it. But what if we use that opportunity when we’re triggered to have this plan in place, where we just move through the emotion, feel it, allow it, acknowledge it, and move on. Move on instead of stuffing it and dragging it with us everywhere we go. 

You don’t do that anymore because you control your temper. I’m excited for you and I hope you are, too. I think this is going to be really good for you. It’s not hard. Just three songs. You can find three songs. I have gotten to the point where I have whole playlists, one for angry songs, one for sad songs, and one for motivational powerful get-moving music. I’ve done it and I’m telling you, it works. Now it’s time for you to give it a try.