Have you ever felt the feeling of stepping on a lego? Not good, it’s not good, it hurts! I actually saw a meme about it the other day, it was kind of funny!

That’s life with kids, that’s life with other people. There are things out of place, there are things out of order. There’s stuff on the floor, there’s stuff everywhere. Mess happens, that’s a part of life it’s something that we all deal with. There are ways to overcome it, ways that I found to make it not so big and scary to have to clean up the mess because sometimes it can get overwhelming, especially when you live with people.

When my kids were little we came up with a technique that we use called the five minute pickup. We would go and set a timer for five minutes to pick up. When my kids were little and home all the time it was five minutes per room now that they’re older and not home so much and not making such a big mess it’s just five minutes. We turn on the timer for five minutes and everybody picks up. Pick up after yourself, pick up after someone else, it doesn’t matter as long as you’re picking up! My rule was that if all the kids were doing it and actively helping then I would help too and if they weren’t then I wasn’t helping. We just see how much we can get done in five minutes. It’s pretty simple, pretty easy, not hard, we can clean up a lot in five minutes!

My daughter and I just got hooked on watching this guy who records himself doing car detailing. You seriously would not believe what these cars look like! They could be such disasters and he just makes a video of himself cleaning. It’s seriously so therapeutic and feels amazing to watch the transformation happen. 

What would it be like in your life if you could just implement five minutes of everybody getting on board to get that synergy going? Maybe you could even turn on some good music as you clean up. It feels so much better when you have a fresh slate and you’re not stepping on legos. I encourage you to give it a try!

The Ideal Situation

We’re going to jump right in. There’s an argument, there’s fighting, there’s one person disagreeing with another or someone feels hurt by the other. Then, immediately following that, there is an apology. Let’s apologize, get things right, stop being mad at each other, stop ignoring each other, and stop fighting. This is every mother’s dream, right? But maybe not her reality. 

The Forgiveness Checklist

Let’s stop the fighting. Here’s how. First, say “I am sorry for…” and then you add what you’re sorry for. Second, “It was wrong because…” followed by why it was wrong. Third, “In the future I will…” and then state what you’re going to do better in the future, or what you want to try to work on. Fourth, “Will you please forgive me?” That’s pretty thorough and super effective. I like to call this the forgiveness checklist. We all have something we can find to apologize for in every conflict and every fight. There’s something that you can find that you did wrong and you’re sorry for and you can apologize.

Don’t Leave Things Unresolved

Here’s an example: two brothers came running into the house, one of them bumps into the other, the other one falls, he’s crying and yelling at his brother for pushing him, the brother says “I didn’t push you,” the other one says “Yes you did, and I fell.” Okay mom, what do you do? Do you get him in trouble? What’s that going to achieve? There are still going to be hurt feelings, the kids are going to still feel offended, and they’re still going to feel wounded and accused. One’s going to feel falsely accused for something he didn’t intentionally do. The other one is going to feel hurt and wounded like his brother did something rude on purpose. And then they’re not going to get along. 

So if they get in trouble right away there’s still unresolved conflict between them, then it escalates and then they start doing things on purpose to bother or wound each other, and then pretty soon you have fighting kids on your hands for the rest of the day, because this conflict was unresolved. There was no apology, and no forgiveness.

We Practice Because We’re Not Perfect

One thing that we are taught is that an apology doesn’t mean anything if it’s not sincere. I disagree with that. We don’t often feel like apologizing, and our apology often isn’t that sincere because we’re still upset. But does that suggest that apologizing isn’t worth doing if you can’t mean it 100 percent? No, we can still apologize, because it’s good to practice even if we don’t fully mean it. We’re all just practicing as we navigate our way through life. None of us are 100 percent perfect at pretty much anything. Let’s just be honest. 

So, we’re practicing, okay? We don’t have to mean it 100 percent, but we do need to practice, especially when our kids are small, we can teach them how to apologize and forgive so that when they’re adults they can mean it better, mean it easier, and know how to properly do it. Now, going back to the example, consider the one brother who bumped into his brother. What could he be sorry for? He didn’t push him on purpose. He doesn’t have to say “I’m sorry I pushed you on purpose to be mean.” But, using the forgiveness checklist, he can say “I am sorry you fell. It was wrong because I didn’t acknowledge my role in making you fall down. In the future I’ll be more careful when I’m running beside you. Will you please forgive me?” 

The brother who got knocked over can also apologize for accusing his brother falsely, for doing something mean on purpose. He might say “I’m sorry for telling mom that you did it on purpose. It was wrong because I didn’t know your intentions (He may not use that word but, whatever. It’s practice right? And you can feed them the lines if they really need it.). In the future I will talk to you first and see why you pushed me over. Will you please forgive me?”

Finish Up With a Smile

And here’s a bonus step, depending on how old the kids are or how mature the adults are. After you go through the forgiveness checklist, which again is “I’m sorry for… It was wrong because… In the future I will… Will you please forgive me?” (Yes, I’ve memorized it because we use the forgiveness checklist often), here’s the bonus. You look each other in the eye and you each smile for five seconds. Usually the third party (likely the parent) is counting to five, because there’s a lot of eye rolling, and a lot of looking away, and a lot of weird smiles, or mean smiles and so when counting sometimes five seconds can last a really long time. 

Sometimes I will stop or restart my counting because they aren’t looking each other in the eyes and giving a genuine smile. Unless things turn to silliness and leads to them making each other laugh, then we know it’s all good, they’ve forgiven each other, they’ve put it behind them, and they’re gonna have a good rest of the day without continuing this conflict that started with one silly little bump.

Now, I put this in terms of children because we’re all children, really. Honestly, how many times do you get in an argument with someone and they really did not intentionally do anything wrong? Or even if they did, we don’t take into account the hard day they had or whatever else is going on for them. We can apologize, we can forgive and we can move on. 

If We Don’t Forgive, We Are Torn Apart

Let me tell you why this is so important to me. There’s a family story about my great-great-whatever-grandmother (not going to name names because I don’t want to throw anybody under the bus) got in an argument with her sister. She was nine and her sister was seven. Well, they didn’t talk to each other for the rest of their lives. Whoa! Did you catch that? They were kids, they argued, they didn’t forgive each other, and they lost their relationship for the rest of their lives. Don’t let this be you. Don’t lose a friendship or a relationship. 

Use it With Your Kids, And Use it Yourself

Forgiveness is really not that hard. It’s really not complicated. Using the checklist keeps us personally in check and it keeps our families in check. I use this with my kids when they’re arguing with each other, but I also use this when I have a disagreement with one of my kids. I find something that I can apologize for. I’m not above apologizing and asking for forgiveness. As the parent, you’re not above apologies. 

“I’m sorry that I timed this discussion at a bad time (I’ve used that one a lot).” 

“I’m sorry that I raised my voice with you.” 

“I’m sorry that I lost my temper.”

“I’m sorry I posted your picture on Instagram without asking. It was wrong because it’s your face not mine. In the future I will ask you before I post your picture on Instagram. Will you please forgive me?” 

The best way to teach something is by example, so if you’re thinking that you want to implement this in your life, start by using it yourself. Write this down and refer to it when needed: “I’m sorry for…., It was wrong because…, In the future I will…, Will you please forgive me?” I invite you to do this. I invite you to try it. Write it down. Use it. See how much improved your lives can be as you use the forgiveness checklist to apologize and ask for forgiveness.

It All Begins as a Child

“Mommy, look! Come and see! Let me show you something! Guess what I did?” Those are the phrases that we hear from children all the time. They want to show us, they want us to look and see, and to celebrate their successes. They want to be recognized and they want to enjoy and share everything that they’re learning, everything that they’re doing, and everything that they’re accomplishing. 

Have you noticed that children can be so light, happy, energetic and motivated? They work on tasks that they think of while they are playing, and they just do them on their own. They work on them and persevere, and push through, and problem solve, and figure things out. For example, it’s natural for a child learning how to walk to stumble and fall. They trip over themselves, but they keep pushing on and pushing forward, because they want to do it, to be successful, and learn and grow. Children want to progress. 

Adults Want Success Too

As adults we want to learn and grow and progress, too. We come up with challenges, tasks, and things that we want to do that we think will help us to improve ourselves and improve our surroundings, get things done and help us feel accomplished. That’s when we create our to-do list. Perhaps the adult’s version of play, sometimes, is a to-do list. 

We create a list of things that we want to do, that we want to get done, things we want completed, and we write them on a list. Then, as we do them, we either check a box, or cross out the words, or highlight it as we complete these tasks.  At this point, what do we typically do with the list? Do we do what children do, sharing it, asking others to come and see? Do we celebrate our success, and talk about it, or do we just throw away the list and come up with a new list to work on? One list turns into another list turns into another list turns into another list. 

That sounds kind of heavy. It kind of takes the fun out of it a little bit, don’t you think? We spend so much time just writing these lists and accomplishing the list, and then we go and throw the list away. How demoralizing is that? 

Celebrate Success with a Ta-Da List!

How about, instead, we turn our to-do list into a ta-da list! Doesn’t that sound fun? It sounds motivating and fun, and like it could be just the tweak that we adults need on those to-do lists that we have. It sounds like if we could take a little bit of that childlike behavior of celebrating the success, sharing the success, and having someone else come and see what we’ve done, that maybe our to-do list won’t be so overwhelming or feel like drudgery. Maybe then the heaviness and the complications of adulthood can be subdued a little bit if we take the time to celebrate and turn that to-do list into a ta-da list.

How To Do a Ta-Da List

Now, here’s how you do it. Start with your to-do list. If you’re a list maker you know what this is. Maybe it’s a piece of paper, or it’s on your phone or your computer. However you do it, you write out all those things that you want to get done and accomplish. Have little check boxes, or a highlighter, or a pen on hand, and then you work through your list. Work on it, push through, make progress and get those things done. 

Complete the list like normal, but when you get to the bottom of the list, don’t throw it away. See, throwing it away is symbolic. What if a child learns how to build a sand castle, and then it gets destroyed before the child gets to take a picture of it, or share it with someone? They’re kind of upset, and rightly so! They worked hard on it. They built this castle and they wanted to celebrate, and they didn’t get the opportunity to celebrate their success. Well, that child’s going to be sad and disappointed, and we as adults think that we’ve grown out of feeling like that, but we haven’t. 

When we work hard on something and accomplish something it deserves a little bit of celebration and acknowledgement. But usually, after you work on this list, after you have prepared the list and you do all the deeds on the list, and cross them off, then you throw that away without sharing with anyone and without anyone having seen the accomplishment or acknowledged your hard work. It’s like knocking down that castle. 

You’ve Been Missing this Step

A little piece of you is going to be sad and a little disappointed, and the next time you go to create a list and work on it, you’re going to wonder why you’re not motivated. You’re going to wonder why you don’t finish the things on the list. You’re going to wonder why you just can’t get it done or why it seems so overwhelming. Well it’s because we’re missing a step. We’re missing the “Ta-Da!” We’re missing the “Look at this! Let’s celebrate. Let’s look at what we’ve done and be happy about it.” 

Add this to Your To-Do List

So take your to-do list when you’ve completed your project, whatever that list is, even if it’s a small one–even if it consists of things like “make bed,” “brush teeth,” “go to work today,” “come home from work,” and “don’t yell at anybody while driving through traffic,” maybe that’s your list–cross off those things. Find a partner, someone that you can celebrate your successes with, and share your successes. Share your to-do list, get that enthusiasm back, and the motivation will follow. Life will seem happier and more productive when you acknowledge everything that you do. You do a lot, you work a lot, and you try hard. So if you’re a to-do list maker, add to your to-do list, that at the end of the day or at the end of your tasks, you change your to-do’s into ta-da’s.   

I had a big fat bandage on my arm. It was cumbersome and I obviously couldn’t hide it because it was covering my whole forearm. Not only that, but I was in a lot of pain and my hand was throbbing. This injury of mine was a problem. To avoid the blood going to my hand I held my hand up in the air in front of me. So, really, I couldn’t hide my big, fat, bandaged hand that was positioned awkwardly in the air at all times. 

Everyone Noticed the Problem

I went to church like this, and I’m sure you can guess what the first thing was that everybody noticed. Not that my hair looked really good, considering I had done it with just one hand. And not that my outfit was nice, after I had spent 30 minutes scrambling, digging through my closet, trying to find something that I could put on by myself. They didn’t notice those accomplishments, but they certainly noticed the problem that I was holding out in front of myself. 

Problems are like that, aren’t they? They naturally, and instinctively, get our attention, which is for a good reason. When there’s a problem, that means we need to find a solution, and so our go-to behavior is for us to be wired to look for problems. We look for problems and then we try to find solutions, and then when we find the solution we move on to the next problem. 

That’s just how we’re wired. So, if you feel like there are a lot of problems, there’s a reason for that. There are indeed a lot of problems, and you’re wired to look for them. Something that you can work on, though, is appreciating the solutions that you’ve already found and celebrating successes that you’ve come across, and then taking the time to see that life isn’t only about problems. There is more to life than problems.

You Notice the Problem, Even When It’s Surrounded by Good

So there’s this good visual about problems that I’ve seen before, and I think about it often. Imagine a white board with no writing on it. It’s just a plain white board, except that it has a dot on it. Somebody has drawn a dot somewhere on the whiteboard. So now, when you go into the room, and you look at the whiteboard, what’s the first thing you see? The dot! You notice the dot, but you don’t notice that most of the board is white. Most of the board is clean, things are generally going well on the board, but you don’t notice that. 

No, you notice the dot because it’s out of place, and it’s a problem. We have our problem antenna active all the time, scanning, searching, looking for the problems. That’s how we’re wired and it’s okay, unless it’s not okay. Unless it gets overwhelming and unless it gets to be too much and too heavy, so that we’re only looking for problems and we’re only seeing problems. Then we’re kind of drowning in it. That’s not helpful, right? It’s not helpful.

Retrain Your Brain to Not be Overwhelmed by Your Problems

So how do you retrain your brain to not look only for the problems? That’s the question. How do you retrain yourself? This is so natural and easy, it just happens. You can pick up on those problems super easily and that can turn into criticism and it can turn into overwhelm. So how do you overcome this? How do you retrain your brain so that you do not become overwhelmed by your problems? I have three steps to retrain your brain so you’re not overcome and overwhelmed by your problems. Here are my three steps.

1. You acknowledge the problems you’ve already solved. In my story, in the beginning, I acknowledged that I did my hair with one hand. Yay, I did it! It was hard and I acknowledged that to myself. I found an outfit that I could put on by myself with one hand. Often other people aren’t going to acknowledge these successes so we need to acknowledge them ourselves.
2. Celebrate the successes of others. Look for the things that other people have overcome and acknowledge it, and congratulate them. As you see what they have overcome, you celebrate with them! They have overcome things and you can bring that up in conversation and talk to them about it so they can remember problems that they’ve already solved so they can feel good too. Once you’ve done those two steps, acknowledging your success, and acknowledging the success of others, then you can move on to step three.
3. Tackle the problem that’s in front of you. Because now you have success energy and you’re not feeling overwhelmed by your problems and defeated. You’re using that success energy that you’ve built up by acknowledging previous successes and then you tackle the problem.

The Flip Side: Things to Avoid

Then there’s the other side to this, which is what you should not do. We always have to remember what not to do, too, right? 

1. Don’t only talk about the problem. Do I need to explain why that is? It should be obvious, but maybe it’s not. People don’t want to only talk about problems with you. It just brings you and everyone around you down.
2. Don’t leave out your successes in conversations, or the successes of others. When you’re having a conversation, don’t leave out all the good stuff. Don’t leave out the positive things going on in your life or the solutions you have found. 
3. Don’t forget about all the life that is to be lived between the problems and solutions. There’s so much life in there, such as recreation, enjoyment, and play. Don’t forget about those things. When you include those in your life, you won’t feel so bogged down or overwhelmed by your problems, and you will find a nice balance. 

Overwhelmed by Your Problems No More

Next time you have a conversation with someone, what if you try to talk about your successes and their successes along with the problems you have? Be intentional. You have to be intentional to do that because the problems are obvious and easy to find. Just like my hand with the big fat bandage was obvious, and the dot on the white board was obvious (everybody’s looking at that dot–you can’t avoid it). But if you’re intentional, you don’t have to be swimming in the problems or feel like they’re too heavy. You can acknowledge your past successes and look with hope to the future for the solutions that you’re going to find.

One of the definitions of the word temper is “To improve the hardness and elasticity of steel or other metal, by reheating and then cooling it the way a smith would, to a sword.” So when a sword is tempered by reheating and cooling, it becomes stronger and more flexible. When we lose our temper it’s usually by being reheated, right? And then when we gather our temper, and temper ourselves, we’re cooled. We might say we cool off, right? 

Instead of losing your cool, what if you could harness the energy of losing your temper, and instead of reacting to the situation, what if you acted to control your temper? What if you could use that opportunity of losing your cool and use it to help you become stronger and more flexible? 

Control Your Temper

The approach to control your temper that I am going to share today involves harnessing the power of music. That’s how I’ve overcome and moved through and harnessed my temper, and used that opportunity of being reheated and cooled to benefit me and help me become stronger and more flexible. Do you want to learn how? Well, I’ll tell you. 

It’s as easy as Ready, Set, Go! First, you get ready. You get “ready” by allowing yourself to feel and process the emotions, get “set” by setting a timer, and “go” by moving through the feelings. That’s a quick summary of the process. Now let me walk you through this exercise and help you understand how it looks. 

Find Three Songs

Start by finding three songs. The first one is an angry song. I know you know of one. I’m sure you have one of those songs that you can just listen to that gets you riled up, makes you feel angry. Maybe look back to your teenage years, if you’ve forgotten. 

Next, you find a sad song. Something that is just so sad, has a sad story, or a sad feeling about it. Again, I’m sure you know one, and if you’ve forgotten, think back to your teenage years. Go back to that decade and search it up. You’ll find a sad song.

Finally, you find a motivational song. A fight song. Something that gets you out of your chair and into action, not with anger, but with motivation. Something that could get you moving. 

Work Through the Emotions and Move On

With these three songs, that’s all you need, and then you will move through those emotions. Turn on the angry music and allow yourself to feel the anger. Feel it good. Just feel angry. Justify it, validate it, and acknowledge it. You’re angry and you have a reason to be angry. Allow it to pass through you, instead of stuffing it down and letting it fester. 

Then you move on to the next song. Behind your anger is sadness, an unmet expectation, regret, and sorrow. There’s some sadness in there behind the anger. So, once you move through that anger song you move on to the sad song and you allow yourself to feel sad, because it’s sad. You had this expectation that wasn’t met or you’ve been injured. It’s sad. Acknowledge it, feel it, and allow yourself to take the time to feel it. 

Then with the next song you move on, you find your fight, you find your motivation, you find your power. Step into your power and move on. How would that feel, if the next time you were triggered, instead of seeing red or losing your temper, or losing your cool, or blowing your lid, what if you had a backup plan, a Ready, Set, Go plan? 

Summarizing the Process of Controlling Your Temper

Get yourself “ready” to allow yourself to move through the emotions. “Set” a time limit, three songs max. You can listen to three angry, three sad, and three powerful if you have the time. Set a time limit and then let yourself let go, and move through those emotions, and let go of them. Instead of reacting, act, to control your temper. Then you “go” forward with your life, feeling relieved of the anger and sadness. 

Things to Avoid

So, now here’s what not to do. I told you what to do already. You get ready by preparing yourself mentally to allow the emotions. You get set by giving them a time limit, and you go by moving through the emotions. Now, this is what you don’t do. 

Don’t sit with the emotion and don’t stuff it. It’s not good to get triggered and then just shove it in and just hold it, because you will blow your lid at some point over something different. You don’t want to stay angry too long or sad too long, so don’t listen to 15,000 angry songs, okay? Set a limit.

Don’t end on a negative note. You don’t want to start the process sitting in your car, listening to angry music, and then decide you’re going to go into the grocery store after listening to a bunch of angry music and feeling angry, because then everybody in the grocery store is going to feel your bad vibes. They don’t deserve that. They’ve got their own problems that they’re not managing, so they don’t need your anger. End with something powerful and motivating. 

This Will Work For You

I have done this and it helps so much. Having been triggered before, I know it doesn’t feel good. You find yourself freaking out over things. We all do it. Everyone does it. But what if we use that opportunity when we’re triggered to have this plan in place, where we just move through the emotion, feel it, allow it, acknowledge it, and move on. Move on instead of stuffing it and dragging it with us everywhere we go. 

You don’t do that anymore because you control your temper. I’m excited for you and I hope you are, too. I think this is going to be really good for you. It’s not hard. Just three songs. You can find three songs. I have gotten to the point where I have whole playlists, one for angry songs, one for sad songs, and one for motivational powerful get-moving music. I’ve done it and I’m telling you, it works. Now it’s time for you to give it a try.

Your Thoughts are Not All Your Own

I’m going to share today about the three different voices in your head. Now, you think it’s all you, you think it’s all your brain, and you think it’s all your thoughts. But let’s go back to your childhood for a moment. Do you remember those cartoons where there was an angel on one shoulder and then a devil on the other shoulder, and they were giving advice to the cartoon character? Well, that’s not too far from the truth. I’m here to tell you that it’s not all you and your own head coming up with all the thoughts you think. You think it is, and it feels like it is, but it’s not. It can be really annoying when you’re fighting with yourself, wondering “Why am I fighting with myself? It’s all me.” But it’s not. 

The Devil is the Source of Your Negative Thoughts

Here’s what is really going on. You have the devil talking to you all the time, and you also have God’s angels talking to you all the time. I guess it’s usually not the devil himself talking to you, but usually some of his minions. Not the cute yellow ones, though. That’s not how it works. The real ones are dark and awful. And the devil’s angels, his minions, or his workers of darkness, are just screaming at you all day. They’re pointing out everything you’ve done wrong,  how ugly everyone else is, trying to get your pride. And maybe they’re pointing out how your car is not good enough, and they’re just yelling all the time at you, constantly criticizing, yelling, pushing, shoving, being annoying, being irritating, and pointing out flaws of yourself and others. Just screaming all the time. No wonder it can be so hard to stop thinking negative thoughts. They’re relentless, aren’t they? 

And if you think those thoughts are your own, it can be really hard. You think you’re stuck with those types of things being put on you all the time and running through your mind constantly. 

God is Also in Your Head

Then you have God’s angels, inspiration, the Holy Ghost, or the Spirit giving you guidance, direction, promptings, and good ideas. The way that the Holy Ghost works, or that the Spirit works, is that it’s calm and peaceful and quiet, inviting and open, encouraging and enlightening, and it feels just light and airy and open. 

The Loud, Negative Voice is Easier to Hear

Now if you picture yourself in any given typical circumstance, life is usually busy. Usually we’re working, we’re doing things, we have tasks and we’re not spending a lot of time in calm, quiet, or peaceful surroundings. When you’re running and busy, and doing things, how does someone get your attention? They raise their voice, right? They speak up, they speak out, and they speak loudly. 

In this world, power and leadership is usually held by those who are loud, forceful, pushy, and prideful (confident on the side of pride). We’re trained at a young age to believe that those who speak up, and speak out, and are loud are the ones to follow. So we’re tricked into thinking that the voice in our head that’s the loudest and the pushiest is the one we should listen to. When we are followers of Christ, and we seek peace and light and enlightenment, that’s not the voice you want to be listening to. You don’t want to be listening to the one that’s loud and pushy and yelling at you. That’s not the type of leader that we look towards, right? 

I haven’t yet mentioned the third voice in your head. That’s your own voice, which is the one asking a lot of questions and being tugged back and forth between the other two, trying to sort things out. My main focus here is how to engage with the other two voices.

How to Stop Thinking Negative Thoughts

One of the ways that I have learned to identify the two voices, so that I can consciously choose which voice I’m listening to, and stop thinking negative thoughts, is by the notebook method. This involves two notebooks: a black notebook and a colored notebook. 

The black notebook is plain and black, and the colored notebook is something that just speaks to you, maybe it’s your favorite color or has something that you like on it, such as a puppy or flowers or geometric shapes or a garden. Just whatever speaks to you. Then you take two minutes each day for each notebook. 

Clear Out the Negative Thoughts

You start by setting a timer for two minutes and then you open up your black notebook. With your black notebook open, you sit and listen. Listen to that voice that is screaming, pushing, criticizing, and being negative, giving you “glass is half empty” thoughts. As you hear those thoughts, you write them down. Take them out of your head and put them onto the paper. 

At this point you get to choose: do you want to keep those thoughts or do you want to leave them in the notebook? I leave them in the notebook, because they’re pushy and mean and I don’t like things that are pushy and mean. So, I leave them in the notebook. 

Listen For Inspiration

After the timer goes off you shut the notebook and set it aside. Then you set another timer for two minutes and you open your colored notebook, and then you listen again. Now that you’ve quieted that yelling voice, you listen to the quiet, soft, still voice and you ask God what messages he has for you, what he wants you to know, what inspiration does he have for you today, what does he want you to do, what is he inviting you to do, what is he inviting you to think and feel about yourself and others.

My friends, that is power! That’s some good information. You want to tap into that information. It’s good, it’s uplifting, it’s opening, and it’s inspiring. It lifts you and it feels so nice. 

Notebook Method To-Do List

So let me go over this again. This is the notebook method. Here’s your to-do list. 

1. Set a timer for two minutes 
2. Write in the black notebook first, because that’s a louder voice and it’s much easier to hear, so you write in a black notebook first for two minutes.
3. Set a timer again, for two minutes (or more).
4. Write in the colored notebook for equal or more time (at least two minutes). You write in the colored notebook and you listen to those voices of the angels that are talking to you, inspiring you, and giving you uplifting messages. You write those down so you can treasure them and review them and you can choose to keep them. 

Notebook Method Don’t-Do List

Now here’s a list of what not to do.

1. Don’t keep these voices in your head. If you have them all in your head, these voices are going to compete for your attention and the loud voice is going to win, because it’s loud and we can hear it all the time. The quiet voice is harder to tap into because we have to be calm ourselves, be a little bit at peace, and be in a quieter place. That’s not often how life is, right? But the more we tune into it the more we’re going to be able to hear it in any circumstance.
2. Do not write only in one book or the other. When we choose to only think about our good thoughts, that can certainly be helpful. But until we get that voice of criticism, and judgment, and anger, and ire, and irritation out of our head and onto a piece of paper, it’s going to remain there bothering us. 
3. Don’t do it alone. Now this is a big one. The third thing is that if you, or the person that you’re helping, is in a really dark place, so that their thoughts and what they’re hearing are very, very dark and scary, then don’t have them do it alone. If it’s you or someone else, if you’re in a depression or in anxiety, if you’re having a panic attack, or a very depressive episode, and your thoughts are very, very dark, don’t do it alone. Ask for someone to sit with you and support you so they can help to hold you up. It can be really scary, I know. When I struggled with depression really, really bad, I couldn’t write in these notebooks alone because I was afraid of the thoughts I was having. I got tricked into thinking that those thoughts were mine, but they weren’t mine. I didn’t choose them and I didn’t want to keep them, but I didn’t know how to get rid of them. 

The Challenge: Try It! Stop the Negative Thinking!

This method has been very, very helpful to me and my family and those that I’ve shared it with. I challenge you now, if you think this sounds like a good idea and that it could be helpful for you, I challenge you to go to the store in the next 24 hours and get two notebooks, a black notebook and a colored notebook, and do this exercise. It takes just four minutes. You’ve got four minutes. 

What could happen in your life if you could really tell the difference between those two voices, if you could tap into, at any moment, the voice of God and his angels? What inspiration could you get, what answers to prayers could you receive if you just spend four minutes a day listening to those two voices, choosing to let go of the negative ones and choosing to embrace the ones from God? How much of an impact can you make on your life and the life of others? 

Bonus “Don’t-Do”

I have a bonus for the “what not to do” list. This is my top secret tip for improving your life. Drumroll, please… When you learn something new that could be helpful to someone, you often think about who you want to share this information with, because you know people who are struggling, you know people who are having a hard time, and you know people whose lives could be better if they would implement the thing that you learned. So my secret bonus tip for you is this: Don’t let yourself get distracted into thinking this is for someone else and not for you.

Let me repeat it. Don’t get distracted into thinking this is for someone else and not for you. This is for you. It’s for you. The devil’s in your head and what’s he saying to you? He’s saying “Share this video with someone else. Tell someone else to do this. You don’t have to do it. You have no problems. This is for everyone else.” 

The way that we teach others is through example. That is the biggest, fattest, awesomest way to share with others. You do what you want others to do, and when they see it’s working for you, then they’re going to ask about it. You don’t have to give them advice without being asked. When they see that it’s working for you they’re going to ask you “What are you doing? How’s that working?” They’ll ask you for your advice when they see how well you are doing.  

It Works Because It’s Truth

So that’s the secret: you do it first, you go first, you be the example, and when it’s working for you, it’s going to come up in conversations and people are going to be asking about it.

And that is how to stop thinking negative thoughts. I’m so excited for you! This method works. It works because it’s based on truth. It’s based on what’s actually happening in your brain. You’re not fighting with yourself all day. You’re hearing the devil and you’re hearing God and you’re asking yourself which do you want to listen to, and where do you want to go. 

When you start writing in that notebook you’re going to notice the difference between the two voices and you’re going to recognize why you keep listening to the devil. It’s because he’s loud, obnoxious and pushy. But you don’t have to listen to him anymore. You can take those negative thoughts out of your brain, put them onto paper and close that book.             

We See Their Strengths

I have asked myself those questions before. A lot actually. I have really, truly, wondered “Am I good enough? Do I have what it takes? Can I really do this?” An analogy came to my mind a little while ago that helped me make more sense of my life. I have an acquaintance that I really admire and look up to. This person is amazing. I’m grateful for this person in my life, but I wonder why she’s the way she is and why I am the way I am. Sometimes when we know people that are super amazing it makes us question whether or not we are also amazing ourselves.

Comparing Myself

So, the analogy that I came up with to compare myself and this person is that she is like a Swiss Army Knife. She has all the tools. She’s compact, efficient, and completely capable in any circumstance, she’s got toothpicks, she’s got scissors, she’s got knives. This girl can whip out her gifts and her talents in almost any situation and shine. And it’s amazing! She’s amazing!

And then the comparison that I came up with to apply to myself was that…I am a spork. I’m a spork!. My conclusion was that I’m just a spork and she’s a Swiss Army Knife. She’s got it all together, and she’s completely capable–all the time. And I’m a spork. I can be either a spoon or a fork, and I’m not really good at being a spoon, and I’m not really good at being a fork. But I can be both. Just not very well. 

This way of thinking kind of gave me a pass on needing to be amazing. I figured that God gives everyone different gifts and I’ll just take mine and be a spork, and that’s fine. I’ll just be a spork, she’ll be a Swiss Army Knife, and everybody will be grateful. That’s just what I’ll have to live with.

Comparing Others

Then a few weeks passed and I had someone text me who was really struggling and suffering with comparing themselves to others. I could really identify with this person, having similar feelings myself. So, I made a little comparison for them too. I told them “Well, you’re a monster truck, and the person you’re comparing yourself to is a pair of scissors.”

Monster trucks are awesome, but they’re not as useful in everyday life. There’s not a constant need for a monster truck. It’s just not as consistent in usefulness or amazement. But, on the other hand, a pair of scissors is needed and used all the time. The world would be greatly lacking if we didn’t have scissors. We use them all the time.

And I really believed this. I was really trying to talk up the amazingness of monster trucks. And that the other person is great too, as a pair of scissors. Both are very different, and you can’t really compare them to each other because they are so very different, and useful in very different ways and different circumstances.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

But I realized that I got sucked into the comparison trap. I got sucked into it, I really did, and I was comparing myself to someone I know. And then I was comparing this other person to someone else also. In the short term, I felt better with the comparison and being able to make sense of things. 

But as I have really been thinking about judgment, and about being good enough and smart enough, and having what it takes, I think that the real lesson for me is this. There are times when I’m not good enough, and times when I don’t have what it takes. But it really doesn’t matter, because with my Savior, Jesus Christ, I am good enough and I have what it takes when I walk with Him in faith and have Him by my side. And you are good enough, too, and you have what it takes. So, please stop comparing yourself to others.

Be What You Are

I really think that is one of the purposes of this life, to realize that we don’t have it all. We can’t be and do everything on our own. But with Him, we can. So we don’t need to judge ourselves against others. We just need to be what we can with the gifts and talents that we have, and then allow the Savior and His grace to be in our lives, to help us to be enough, and to help us see our worth and to help us live our best life. 

You don’t need to compare. We’re all awesome. And even if I more fully resemble a spork than a Swiss Army Knife, I have the gifts and talents that God wants me to have in this life and I can make the best with them that I can and I can be happy with it. So, the next time you’re wondering about your worth, stop comparing yourself to others and consider how much more your life can be if you let the Savior help you. He can help you expand on the gifts and talents that you have so you can become who you want to be.

The Silent Treatment

I don’t know about you, but I like Hallmark romance movies. They’re fun. In almost every Hallmark romance movie, there’s a time when, in the relationship, someone gets upset and they do something called “the silent treatment.” Now, I have watched enough of those to realize that “the silent treatment” is a terrible way to mend a relationship. So, I like to say, with regards to prayer, that there’s only one wrong way to say a prayer, and that is by using the silent treatment…which is not praying.

There are so many ways to pray. There are so many ways to talk to our Heavenly Father, to our God, to our creator, to our maker, and probably only one way to do it wrong. And that’s just by not doing it. I have had a lot of different experiences with prayer throughout my life and I want to share some of those stories with you. 

Counting a Prayer?

At one time in my life, I was having some particularly severe mental issues. My brain was just giving up on me, and I was just so exhausted. I was just so tired. Well, I knelt at the end of the day to say a prayer, and I got to the number 20 before I realized that I was counting and not praying as I had intended. I was upset and embarrassed. I told my husband and we kind of laughed it off a little bit. But it was hard. And you know what? I don’t think it was wrong. I think God heard that prayer. I got rest, and I got support. That prayer was answered. I got what I needed. My brain healed and I could think again. I could think clearly and that prayer was answered.  

Other Types of Prayer

There were other times in my life where I would get on my knees, and try to pray, but I just couldn’t think of the right words. I just didn’t have any words to describe what I was going through, because it was so hard. But I knelt anyway, and I think God heard me, because He knows my heart. And because He knows I was trying to reach out to Him, even though I had no words.

There are other times that I remember praying and it was more like yelling. And I yelled to God, “Why is this so hard? Why is my life so hard?” Just basically complaining and whining to Him. Some people might think that’s disrespectful. But as a parent, I would rather have my kids opening up and being vocal, rather than just not talking to me. It’s hard to help someone who won’t ask or won’t share what they’re going through. And I think it’s okay to yell sometimes, because He understands. He’s the perfect parent, and He wants to know.

There are other types of prayers, prayers of overwhelming gratitude for beautiful, wonderful blessings. I have said many, many of those. Life is so beautiful. We live in a gorgeous world, and we are surrounded by amazing people. And there’s a lot to be grateful for.

Another type of prayer is one of repentance. Repentance is changing our minds, realizing that we’ve done something or said something that, looking back, we regret. And we don’t want to do that anymore, so we say sorry and we ask for forgiveness, and those are good prayers.

Have You Thought of…

What are some different prayers that you have said in your life. What are some ways that you have prayed? Have you ever tried writing your prayers? I have dont that a few times. It works out really well. How about while brushing your teeth? Sometimes people need to be moving to have a clear mind. Have you ever tried praying in your car? Have you ever knelt in prayer? Have you ever prayed in nature? There are so many ways to pray, and only one way to do it wrong. That is by just not doing it at all. I encourage you to pray. God loves you. He misses you. He wants to talk. He wants to chat. So talk to Him today.

Does God Need Our Money?

Let’s begin by considering why we are asked to pay tithing. Does God need our money? It’s kind of a weird thing to think about. He doesn’t need our money, so why are we asked to give up what we worked hard for? What if the reason that we pay tithing isn’t because He needs our money, but what if it’s because we need Him? What if it’s to teach us that lesson? I don’t think that is the only lesson we can learn from tithing, but it is a lesson I learned years ago. That it wasn’t about Him needing what I had. It was teaching me that I needed what He had.

When we were a young married couple, with probably two kids at the time, and we were working hard, with my  husband still going to school, we didn’t have a lot of money. That’s usually how it goes, right? Well, one day I was writing out a check for our tithing payment. (That was back in the day when you had to write it all out. Oh, weren’t checks wonderful?) The check amount was over $200. At the time it was so much money, and I thought, “Wow! God’s asking a lot of us.” We were working really hard. We were trying to be good. We were doing what we could, but God was still asking a lot. That was a lot of money for us at that stage of our lives.

God’s Grace – An Unexpected Blessing

Well, I put it in the envelope, and we paid our tithing, like we had a habit of doing. Then, a couple of days later, we were in the car and we were going through the mail. As I think about it, I don’t know why we were going through our mail in the car. Probably because the kids were buckled up and occupied, and I could do it without worrying about them getting into things. Anyway, I sorted through the mail and found that there was a check in the mail. Seriously you guys…this check in the mail was almost the exact same amount as what I had written to pay our tithing. I was amazed, to say the least.

Now, I don’t understand God’s grace. I’m in awe of it, I’m inspired by it, and I’m so grateful for it. Earlier that week, as I was paying our tithing, I had had a moment of entitlement, and maybe a little greed. I wanted to keep that money. I felt like we worked hard for it and we deserved it. And I think that a lot of the blessings that we have, we feel like we work for them and we earn them. But, we can’t earn our way to heaven. We’re just not that good. We need grace too. 

And that’s the lesson I learned from this check. I’m sure it wasn’t just getting the check in the mail. It wasn’t about the money. It was about Heavenly Father saying, “Yes, you can work and you can get money.” And seriously this check was super random. I don’t even remember where this check came from. It was a very unexpected, large sum of money that we didn’t see coming. And I know it was from Him. I’m sure one of His earthly servants sent it to us. But it was a message from Him, to me, about His grace. We can work hard, earn money, and be blessed for our efforts, but other blessings come just through His grace. That was a really cool lesson for me to learn. 

If you haven’t paid your tithes recently, I encourage you to do it. And then I encourage you to look. Ask God to show you the blessings that are coming into your lives because of your obedience to that and other principles. I think you’ll be astounded at what you learn and what you find, specifically about the differences between works and grace. They’re both needed, they’re both necessary, and they’re both pretty cool.

Just a little side note: people with ADD tend to have something as well, called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which makes rejection even more painful and less bearable.

Rejection is hard for all of us. One way that I have found to overcome rejection is something that I read in a book by Jack Canfield, called The Success Principles. He has a chapter on sales, and he refers to the acronym SW-SW-SW-SW. That’s kind of a mouthful, but it stands for Some Will, Some Won’t, So What, Someone’s Waiting. 

Some will want what you have to offer. Some won’t want what you have to offer. So what! Someone’s waiting. There’s always someone who is waiting to receive what you have to offer. They will be grateful. They will be thankful. They will celebrate. They will praise you. They will love you. And they will be so, so grateful that you didn’t stop just because you had a little bit of rejection.

What could your life be like if you keep this phrase in mind when you face rejection: Some Will, Some Won’t, So What, Someone’s Waiting? Just keep your eye on that someone who’s waiting. They’re waiting for you. They want what you have. They’re looking for what you have to offer. Keep going! If not for yourself, keep going for them, because someone is waiting for you.