Do you ever disagree with someone that you actually need to get along with? Do you ever have a difference of opinion with a person that you really want to agree with? I think all of us do sometimes. There are times when we have really strong feelings about a situation or a decision that needs to be made, and the other person that we’re trying to work with has the opposite opinion, or wants to make a different decision. It can get really stressful in relationships when we try to try to win without having the other person lose. 

I Don’t Want the Other Person to Lose

I don’t know about you, but it seems like whenever I am involved in a conversation where I get what I want, but the other person doesn’t, it doesn’t really feel like I won. I can’t really feel happy with the results when the other person involved feels like they lost. I’d like to try to look for a way that I can get what I want and the other person can get what they want too. It can be a little tricky to do this, but I have found some ways that have been really helpful for me when trying to work with another person. to come to conclusions or to make decisions as a unit instead of as two separate individuals (or separate groups of people).

Here’s My Tip

The best way to demonstrate this is by considering two people that have a situation for which they need to find an agreement. This may be yourself and another person, or two individuals you are working with. The tip that I have for you today is to ask yourself and the other person to express, on a scale from 1 to 10, how strongly you feel about the topic. Do you feel like your level of interest is at a 10? If so, then you state “Yes, I think we should do it and this is a number 10 for me.” A 10 suggests that you feel very strongly about it. 

Then you ask the other person how strongly they feel about it. Maybe they say “Well, I’m probably at a 6.” Well, look at that! That gives you a lot of information without having to take a lot of time. It didn’t take much time to consider where each party is on the 1 to 10 scale. If one of you has a lower number, then that suggests that you can clearly see that the other person feels more strongly about it, and as you see this, you can notice that you have some wiggle room to be able to compromise. You can give a little on this topic, and maybe next time the other person will be in that position and the roles will be reversed.

You Can Both Win

When you see how strongly each of you feels about the situation, you can understand which one of you is more likely to have some wiggle room in compromising. Since I have been using this tip, I have almost never seen both people with a 10, where they felt so strongly about things that they did not want to bend, or change their mind, where they couldn’t let go. It’s just a small, easy way to see how you can both win and which one of you is more willing, and able, to compromise in different situations. In relationships especially, you’ll find that sometimes one person feels strongly about things, and then at other times, it’s the other person. I encourage you to try to apply this little tip the next time you need to come to an agreement with someone. I think you’ll find great benefit in doing so.